Here is a great little article very much worth reading! I find myself pondering these issues more and more as our 3 year old grows older and much more aware of introductions and things being said about her.
I think of my sons and how it would feel "odd" to both them and me if someone introduced them as "C, N & J, born of her womb". Seriously .... wouldn't that make us kind of think ... "hhmmm .... strange?!". I'm not saying it's never appropriate to acknowledge that our children have been adopted ... that's not the point at all. But I do think we should ponder this over in our hearts and continue to seek to think of our children. It's pretty obvious my daughters do not look like me. But they are my daughters, most certainly as much as my sons are .... without the need to always give commentary on how they entered our family.
Often if it's an introduction, you're gonna end up spending some time together and usually you'll cover the "adoption conversation" anyway.
What have been your experiences and how have you found good ways of handling such things, helping your child to feel comfortable and not needing to justify who they are? Would love to hear!
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6 comments:
Shelly,
We loved the article. I have really been thinking about this very topic as we approach closer to the time we get to bring our daughter home. I really appreciate Mary's insight...I read her blog often. Thanks for sharing this article! Take Care, hopefully all is well with your family!
I appreciate any information I can get--this was a great article. I don't know how I will respond to the things that others say.
I do have a friend who has 2 biological children and 4 adopted. She has spoken openly with her children from day 1 about the special way they came to be a part of the family. Her now 10 year old has always talked about being adopted--so much that a friend of hers was crying one day because she wasn't adopted!
I also wanted to comment on having conversations about adoption with other people, even strangers. I think the more we talk about it, the better chance we may have of pricking someone else's heart to follow the same path! God definitely used other people in leading us to this--the more we heard, the more we considered adoption as a way to help others and grow our family.
As I said before, I can only speak from this side. My feelings may change once we have our girls home. (o:
Thanks for sharing, Lori! For sure we want to embrace opportunities to talk with others about adoption. You'll find it comes up all the time ... and these conversations can be SO great! I think the author here is just trying to get us to think about it through the eyes of the child. Always wearing a "label" so to speak. That can be a burden. There are times when I'm out with my daughter that I'll just want it to be that .... time with her, not always having to educate everyone we come in contact with. For us, most often questions have come from people being curious ... usually they have intended to be positive. I do wonder though as my daughters grow older if there will be times they just want to be my girls, without justification for how they joined our family from anyone we meet.
I cannot wait until your girls are home with you!!! What a glorious union that is gonna be! You are a great mom. You will know when it's a wonderful opportunity to share with others and when you and your girls just need some "mom time" without explanations to the watching world. :)
Shelly,
Thanks so much for your insight! It will be so helpful to come back to later! I totally understand what your saying! I want my daughters to feel just as much a part of our family as our other children--how they came to be a part shouldn't matter.
So many issues we'll have to deal with! I hope that God gives me the grace to handle them all!
Thanks again for sharing! God Bless!
Oh Lori .... He will give you the grace!! It's gonna be a grand journey. He's been preparing your hearts all along!! ... and theirs. Email me an updated pic so I can see your sweet kiddos!! :) robertsfamily@mlgc.com
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